I am a People Pleaser. This is not bragging. Far from it! This is a confession. Everyday I think about what more I could have done or how I could fix something. The problem is that I cannot shake loose of this destructive game. People who love me tell me to blow it off, let it go. They know. I work like a slave to please those around me and it is truly slavery of my soul.
I know now that my slavery began when I started my current job and is closely attached to my deep desire to help those I support. That, in itself, is not a bad thing until helping them consumes me and I cannot turn it off. The instant gratification of fixing someone’s problem has become my addiction. And if I can’t help them, I know someone who can, so I dog that poor soul to help solve the issue.(My apologies to my coworkers.)
The root of the problem is my values. I am placing more importance on what others think of me than what my Heavenly Father thinks. This is not a new problem and is nothing more than a form of idolatry, holding other’s opinions over God’s. God forgive me.
Being a people pleaser harms me and those closest to me. First, it destroys my relationship with God because I am listening to the people around me rather than the voice of my Father. There is not enough room in my head for both! Secondly, it can place a huge burden on those who are close to me to be responsible for my peace of mind. Just like family and friends know their loved ones are alcoholics, they also know when they are a people pleasing addicts. There are only so many hours in the day, or days in a life and when I am working extra hours to please, I am denying time with those I love. When I am ruminating over a problem at work, I could be fully present and enjoying my time with my loved ones. And last, it teaches those in my care to be the same way, perpetuating this slavery mindset to others.
Breaking the Chains
I realize there needs to be a 12-step program for people pleasers. So here are my AA adapted steps:
PPA 12 Steps
1. I admit I am powerless over people pleasing—and that I am a slave to it. 2. Come to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. 3. Make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him. 4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself noting triggers for this behavior. 5. Admit to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. 6. Be entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings. 8. Be willing to admit that this harms myself and those closest to me, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Make direct amends to such people. 10. Continue to take personal inventory and when I am relapsing and promptly admit it. 11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out. 12. Having spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I try to carry this message to other People Pleasers, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.