In church last Sunday I heard this quote and it resonated with me. In fact, so much so that I can’t get it off of my mind. So, naturally, I must blog about it.

What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible? Maybe it is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.

Henri Nouwen

This could possibly be the number one relationship pitfall. It happens between parents and children, spouses, friends, bosses and employees, and relatives.

I look at how God designed our universe. He always left the choices to us to accept or reject. He gave us instructions for success then he stepped back. He lets us fail yet he always lovingly welcomes us back into his open arms if we choose. He demonstrated the difference in love vs. control. I wonder how they seem to be opposites yet somehow one easily morphs into the other. Love holds on with a loose but unending hold accepting the other person, warts and all. It never lets go no matter the choices of the loved. It never looks away. It never gives up. See 1 Corinthians 13 for a refresher.

Control holds on with a suffocating grip. It lets go when the controlled doesn’t follow directives, lacks oxygen and in a desperate struggle for air, they have no choice but to break free and leave the controller. So power effectively suffocates love. What love and control have in common is relationship. They often feel the same to the controller. And sometimes what starts as love gradually becomes control. Control is an if-then relationship. Love is a no-matter-what relationship. Control happens slowly and leads to the demise of so many relationships.

If I could master this one thing, my relationships would be so much smoother. I believe that boundaries are needed to pull this off. These boundaries get breached one by one in long term relationships and I must learn to step back before it is too late. Look at the wisdom of 38 Special! I have sung these lyrics so many times but never stopped to listen to the message.

Hold on Loosely by 38 Special

You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)

Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
You're gonna lose control

Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna loose control

And usually it's too late when you realize what you had

Source: LyricFind 
Songwriters: James Peterik / Jeff Carlisi / Richard Donald Barnes

So what makes love such a hard task? Boundaries. Letting go when I know what will happen if my loved one makes the wrong choice. Keeping my mouth shut when my experience sees the pitfalls right in front of my partner. Letting my child make stupid mistakes and not saying “I told you so”. Being there to hold them after they have made those wrong choices. Oh, but this is so hard!

Remember the father in the Prodigal Son? He held on loosely.